Aside

Random thoughts became a lesson

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I have a desire for silence
Why? Because silence it’s the loudest form of action that has had a continuous impact on me unknowingly or was I just being in denial I’m still figuring that out
But then again I can sit on the balcony for hours not a word not a sound when I do speak out its give other a chance to put their two cents I guess that why at times my thoughts(silence) mean more than my words their mine and only mine I love the empowerment that comes with being able to say that because I’ve met some that couldn’t say the same either way that simple aspect of life has no explanation that cant give a significant meaning that cant be twisted into anything else but What I intend it to be but beyond thoughts it’s the moment of silence during these times that control our movements, emotions, and even our common sense whether you choose to admit it or not
(I known I was a little all over the place but I’m a teenager that’s life)😘

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Life of a push over RANT

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My problem that u don’t see as a problem that is becoming a problem
1) I am soft spoken
2)I’m tiny but tall(weight self-consious)
3)knowing what signs to look for in people that says were friends or acquaintances
The list could probably go on in your opinions but I just want clarity in my mistakes …

It’s hard to stand your ground when you don’t realize when you need to because it doesn’t happen often
In my eyes I have no reason to be on defense with everyone I meet but someone always shows me different
It hurts to be taken advantage of to have a voice that no one wants to hear and when heard it’s either brushed off or becomes a punishment
I’ve had my mother and my boyfriends mother call me a push over my mother and my teacher both say I’m soft spoken and yes it hurts I beat myself up about all the time simply just not knowing what I did wrong what message I’m sending at that time and how to fix it
I’ve let go of 2 friends because of it and honestly it’s not even losing them that’s a big deal cause yeah they weren’t exactly the friends I wanted to let go but they were no good for me so I did I admit I’m not an aggressive person nor do I want to be but I don’t wanna be a push over I want to have a better understanding as to what I need to to improve my self and stop this reoccurring pattern
I have admitted my problem and I’m ready to fix it (open to any advice)😘

Confusion in confidence

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Till this day very close to another beginning I still have not yet defined what confidence is
I’ve been told so many different meanings but none ever quite resembled me only resembled them their views their feelings hearing their definition from their mouth was amazing riveting and absolutely beautiful
but then I asked myself why is my definition not amazing riveting and absolutely beautiful too a voice in my head reminded me
I’m still learning to find confidence within myself
I’m still learning to accept and love who I am
I’m still learning the cons to comparing myself to others
I’m still learning to smile more (simple I know but I’m being honest)
I’m still learning more than I comprehend more than I can deal with
But even with all this confusion uncertainty and yes insecurity the last thing I can say is I’m not alone because there are plenty of people with me and plenty of people finding others like me to relate to that’s why I can keep a smile on my face I’m always here and there always there confusion in confidence is……………………………………(let’s fill in the blank together one day at a time)😘

A stranger with sweet wordsπŸ’›

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A person that never met you can somehow get to know the real you that you couldn’t show to others who have seen you in person

He sees the color in the shadow that u fill while other see the colorless part of the shadow that has no interest to them

But how ,how is it possible for someone to see what u so badly want others to vision u as is it because instead of his eyes he uses his mind he lets the words instead of my appearance create a description of me πŸ’›a stranger with a different view of a true person

Many parts to my struggle part 1

The better I get the harder it gets

My days have been magnificent bliss of what I’ve always wanted but my grades say otherwise so does my mind and body so how can I say it’s blissful when it feels disgraceful

I’m sickening without being sick I have a depression with no expression I’m sick and I can’t see beyond the point of where I blocked reality

Imaginary or reality

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I define myself as some who remains nameless but still able to control me hurt me and make me Nieve to reality I see an image that’s so happy and full of life but the real image contains something I’d rather not admit is real just an oblivious imagination that stands before me that won’t go away until I acknowledge its there

No best friends

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I thought not being friends would be hard but to be honest it’s so much easier I don’t have to think about you another day or waist another tear on you that u don’t deserve yes we were friends we were very close but you did to much for me to say we can go back for me I could never trust you or believe you I’m not letting someone in my life that intentionally wants to TRY to hurt me I capitalized that because you TRIED to hurt me but it didn’t work I’m stronger and more aware of the people that I’m with you don’t have a place in my heart anymore will I always care about you maybe deep down but soon even that will fade I could careless we aren’t anything πŸ’‹
# goodbye to you

Hopefully my last nervous breakdown

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My family the foolishness the pain the arguing is so much on one person that doesn’t understand your pulled in many directions without even a plan or explanation

I wanted to runaway I wanted to leave but did I really once she stopped me I stopped maybe that’s what I wanted someone to talk to give me guidance when I feel like no one else is confidant she was

I never looked at the arguments from a different point of view I never went into further detail because I thought I couldn’t take it but once I did suprisingly felt better although I’ll never probably feel better about around all these problems that come with them I know one day I won’t have to look back

if they can’t change nothing good comes out of it for either of them loosing a daughter a niece and a granddaughter doesn’t seem worth it to me but I have to happy with or without them but I know even though it may be easier i know in my heart I won’t be happy with out them
#their my family 😘